revelations

Last weekend we have broken a routine. By the time you got home you texted me and that was it. I haven't received any updates on any of your activities by Sunday evening. Usually it would be something about you sweating it out with your badminton buddies, then your drinking spree after.

I texted you Monday morning saying that it was raining cats and dogs and wishing you to have a great day nonetheless. No reply. By evening, I didn't wake up by your call, my beloved alarm clock- I just received a text from you asking if I was awake already. I answered yes and questioned if you were even trying to call me. You know how it is when my cellphone go bonkers and couldn't catch a signal. You just answered you couldn't because you were inside a jeepney home bound.

I sensed that there was something wrong. I tried calling you but you didn't pick it up. This was so not like you. I texted how you were making me sad. You just replied that you were just going on some tough situation, said sorry and begged for my patience. I asked why can't you tell me and you answered that you would tell it eventually.

I was in a bus on my way to work and I texted you again how you were making me worried sad and depressed. A lot of things were going on my mind and I couldn't pin point what was wrong. Was it because we didn't make love last weekend? Were you got darn bored too on our last date? You picked up this time but still didn't give me the real answer. You reiterated the fact that you would tell it soon and reminded me of how I was on several occasions were like this to you with my mood swings and all. I cried and I let you know it. I said I love you and you replied that you love me too-very much and say sorry again.

Tuesday night you called but I was already having dinner. We didn't say much. We didn't say our I love yous. I went to work again with a heavy heart.

By Wednesday you came in to our house. You wake me up even though it was only past six or so. And then without too much ado had told me what was bothering you.

You said you contracted STI. You said the word twice but I couldn't remember it. You too were not familiar with it. You said there was a little infected wound on the opening of your penis and you would get another shot by Friday. You confessed that you caught it couple of weeks ago when you were having your event in Bicol.

I was shocked and begged for you to say how long you have been fooling me. You said several times. Mostly when you were alone out of town: twice in CDO, in Butuan etc. You even say you managed to hook up with someone in Novaliches Bayan.

I asked you how. You said you were using the site Planet Romeo. I almost let a mad laugh. I said to you how funny. The very reason you have known me was because of the site Guys for Men (which eventually bought by PR).

You confessed too that most of the time those encounters were not safe. That you have been the top on most of it. And you all this time would only fuck me every few months or so.

Tomorrow we would have our self tested for HIV.

Almost seven years bhe and all this time I though I was damn lucky to have you. The saddest thing is up to this point I couldn't get myself be mad at you. I am blaming myself for my short comings. And I love you still. Very very much.