belated happy birthday to me

It has a been a while I know.

I have not written anything for I tried to be busy with something else. To be honest all I have been busy with was being depressed and all.

But today I am okay now. A bit.

You know what I realized within the past weeks or so? I have come to the conclusion that I do not really love myself. That is the root cause of all of these unwanted feeling of emptiness and loneliness. Up until now, I have not loved myself completely.

Which is why even though I know my partner loves me dearly, somehow I do not feel it completely. How can trust someone would love me wholeheartedly if I don't even love myself?

I guess the challenge for me then is to accept myself for who I am. For what I have. For what I am capable of.

The role has been given to me but I have not accepted my part still. All this time I still pretend to be someone else. The person whom I wanted to be still remain in my daydreams.

How can I get out of this mess? There are plenty of ways. I guess I have to start a new.

May is almost over. Yes I am officialy two and thirty years of age. It is yet high time for me to re-invent myself. Or rather, to be the best person I can possibly be.


---from my journal