revelations

Last weekend we have broken a routine. By the time you got home you texted me and that was it. I haven't received any updates on any of your activities by Sunday evening. Usually it would be something about you sweating it out with your badminton buddies, then your drinking spree after.

I texted you Monday morning saying that it was raining cats and dogs and wishing you to have a great day nonetheless. No reply. By evening, I didn't wake up by your call, my beloved alarm clock- I just received a text from you asking if I was awake already. I answered yes and questioned if you were even trying to call me. You know how it is when my cellphone go bonkers and couldn't catch a signal. You just answered you couldn't because you were inside a jeepney home bound.

I sensed that there was something wrong. I tried calling you but you didn't pick it up. This was so not like you. I texted how you were making me sad. You just replied that you were just going on some tough situation, said sorry and begged for my patience. I asked why can't you tell me and you answered that you would tell it eventually.

I was in a bus on my way to work and I texted you again how you were making me worried sad and depressed. A lot of things were going on my mind and I couldn't pin point what was wrong. Was it because we didn't make love last weekend? Were you got darn bored too on our last date? You picked up this time but still didn't give me the real answer. You reiterated the fact that you would tell it soon and reminded me of how I was on several occasions were like this to you with my mood swings and all. I cried and I let you know it. I said I love you and you replied that you love me too-very much and say sorry again.

Tuesday night you called but I was already having dinner. We didn't say much. We didn't say our I love yous. I went to work again with a heavy heart.

By Wednesday you came in to our house. You wake me up even though it was only past six or so. And then without too much ado had told me what was bothering you.

You said you contracted STI. You said the word twice but I couldn't remember it. You too were not familiar with it. You said there was a little infected wound on the opening of your penis and you would get another shot by Friday. You confessed that you caught it couple of weeks ago when you were having your event in Bicol.

I was shocked and begged for you to say how long you have been fooling me. You said several times. Mostly when you were alone out of town: twice in CDO, in Butuan etc. You even say you managed to hook up with someone in Novaliches Bayan.

I asked you how. You said you were using the site Planet Romeo. I almost let a mad laugh. I said to you how funny. The very reason you have known me was because of the site Guys for Men (which eventually bought by PR).

You confessed too that most of the time those encounters were not safe. That you have been the top on most of it. And you all this time would only fuck me every few months or so.

Tomorrow we would have our self tested for HIV.

Almost seven years bhe and all this time I though I was damn lucky to have you. The saddest thing is up to this point I couldn't get myself be mad at you. I am blaming myself for my short comings. And I love you still. Very very much.

breaking the routine

Gaya ng nakagawian, lumibot lang tayo sa mall na parang mga tanga... Tamang ikot lang.

Tapos dinner. Usap onti.

At dahil ayaw nating mabato pareho sa bahay namin ay nanuod na lang tayo ng sine. Wala na akong gustong panuodin liban sa X-men na napanood mo naman na. Inulit mo na lang din dahil ang sabi mo gusto mo at tutal maganda. Ilang beses naman kitang ginising sa paghihilik sa sinehan. Ako nga 'tong dalawang oras pa lang an tulog.

Ganyan tayo more or less sa bawat Sabado na tayo ay nagkikita. Pero kahapon talaga nasa rurok na ako ng kabagutan. Alam ko ganun ka din. Kahit hindi mo sabihin I know I am boring you. Parehas naman kasi tayo hindi madaldal.

At least I managed to break the routine. In bed. It took a lot of effort on my part...

Hindi kita kinulit bago tayo matulog. Ni hindi kita hinipuan buong magdamag para magbigay motibo. Bumangon na lang din ako nung sinabi mo na uuwi ka na.

This time I didn't suck you and swallow your juice.  I didn't jack off while you caress my nipples and watch me cum.

At least somehow we had a break of what could pass as lovemaking.

no complaints

There was once an office mate of mine who I never heard utter a single complain on any of his calls. He never even rant about the additional tasks he was given nor whine about how some co-workers abused that good nature of his.

You know how we agents love the mute button on the avaya so we can just simply hit it whenever we feel like saying expletives to a difficult caller. On the months that I was seated beside him I tried to emulate him- out of admiration and embarrassment. That was every single shift but every night was a failure. The most I could do was to minimize the curses I mutter while on mute and just give the avaya the dirty finger.

By the time he was asked to take escalation calls he managed to retain that same cool composure. Sometimes I could tell how one irate caller was being unreasonable and just giving him a hard time. He had never banged his mouse though nor stand up to deal with frustrations. At the end of those type of calls he would just simply continue whatever he was doing prior. The most he would do (and this was only when he asked how it went) was that he would smile it off with a shake of his head. Yes just one shake and that was it.

It was more than a year now when he left for another job. From what I have heard, it was a good move for him because it is more related to whatever he took in college. I don't see him much in my news feed in Facebook except for those occasions his wife (a former office mate also) tagged him on their pictures. He has one peculiar habit though on that site and it happens every few months or so. On those rare days he would simply flood it with posts of movie posters, those presumably he have seen, matching it with most notable line from each and every flick. We are talking about thirty or so movie here. Those are the only type of shout outs he has.

I had never asked how he managed to retain that kind of coolness. That kind of attitude was surprising of course but not totally impossible. So what I did was I simply embraced the idea that perhaps with practice and conscious effort I could do the same. But as you may know I should have really asked him before he resigned.

All that is left for me to do now is to wonder. Maybe he's just one of a kind. A natural. Maybe he's just being true to his name. He's Angel.