just another shift

So, a few hours from now it would be 2014. I just feel too old, too jaded to welcome another new year. But conformity dictates that everyone must be happy and hopeful later when the clock strikes midnight. My shift is exactly by twelve am however. It would be queuing I imagine. I assume I would simply return my office mates greetings as courtesy.

I am so used spending the holidays on the operations floor. Tonight would be a little different though because I can't go out to watch the fireworks at least.

I have made one public new year's resolution though. I would attempt to quit smoking yet again. I made that sacred pinky promise to one of the very few friends I have at work. This year I only managed to stop for four months. Depression took over so I didn't overcome my addiction.

I made other promises to myself too. Things that I should have been doing a long time ago but couldn't bring myself to do. I should have the words discipline and commitment tattooed on my arms.

I don't see myself as a pessimist. Realist perhaps. The great paradox is I never get tired of dreaming. Even all of them remain just that- dreams.

kuya mario, part 2

Siguradong alam ko magmula nuon ay alam mo na ang aking pagkatao. Patay malisya ka lamang at muling naidlip. Hindi ko na matandaan ang mga sumunod na pangyayari. Siguro umalis ako at lumabas ng bahay na kabado. Ang laki ng takot ko nuon na baka isumbong mo ko kay Mama.

Pero parang wala lang nangyari. Dumating ang araw na tapos na bakasyon mo dito sa Maynila ngunit nag-iwan ka ng ilang damit ewan ko kung bakit. Ako naman ay paulit-ulit na inaalala ang mga sandaling nadama kita. Tandang-tanda ko kung gaano kalaki at kalambot sa pandama kung ano ang mayrooon ka. Aaminin ko sa ngayon na ilang beses ako nagparaos habang inaamoy ang naiwang mong puting brief sa 'yong bag. Hindi ito ang tunay mong amoy- ilang taon ko pa bago madiskubre ang amoy ng kapwa lalaki. Ngunit sa malikot kong pag-iisip nakuntento akong simsimin ang amoy ng panloob mo habang pinapaligaya ko ang aking sarili.

Dalawang taon siguro ang lumipas nang muli kang magbakasyon. Dumating ang pagkakataon na tayo lang dalawa ang naiwan sa bahay. Nagpasya ka muling maidlip sa aming sofa ngunit hindi ka nagpalit ng damit. Sa isip ko nuon, ito na ang tamang pagkakataon.

Hinupan muli kita pero hindi ka nagising. Hinahanap hanap ko ang lambot na nadama ko nuong una ngunit makapal ang maong mong suot. Maingat kong dinadama ang nagmamalaki mong umbok hanggat sa hindi ako nakatiits at unti-unting binaba ang zipper mo.

Hindi ako nangahas na damhin ka sa ganoong paraan lang. Ang pakay ko'y buksan ng lubusan ang pantalon mo subalit hindi kita makalagan mula sa 'yong sinturon. Takot akong magising ka.

Hindi ko na matandaan ngayon kung nilapit ko na lamang ang mukha ko at hinalikang bagya ang bahagi mong gusto kong isubo. Siguro hindi. Siguro yun lamang ang paulit ulit na pagpapantasya ko habang inaalala ang sayang na pagkakataon na 'yon.

Sumuko ako agad at pinagmasdan ka lamang habang natutulog. Nang magising ka at dumiretso sa banyo, naisip kong bigla na hindi ko naibalik ang zipper mo sa pagkakasara. Abot-abot ang nerbiyos ko sa 'yong pagbalik sa sala, sa gagawin mong pag-uusisa, sa komprontasyon. Takot akong mapahiya pero takot din ako kung kaya kong gawin ng tama ang paligayahin ka.......

trending

I use twitter sparingly. It means I am pretty much bored already whenever I open the app. I myself only tweet perhaps four times a month at the very most. Whatever mundane thoughts I have, twitter saves me the trouble of shouting it out directly on Facebook since I have them linked together.

I wouldn't contest the fact of its usefulness. When our tv was busted, I rely on its feed to be updated on the flight of Jessica Sanchez. Just recently it also let me knew that Manny Pacquiao had won while we were waiting for the freaking delayed telecast on national tv. Thank you twitter addicts.

What irks me is how local news program (or perhaps even abroad) would shove down to our throats what has been trending topic on the site. Here's a piece of news to you viewing public and wait yeah it was even a trending topic. And I was like seriously?

I suppose I am an old timer who wants plain good old news program. I couldn't even care less of those opinion of some random person sometimes they air on their segments. You know how it works. They would post a question and everyone could reply-just with their imposed hashtag of course.

I guess all I want is for them to draw the line. They have to remember that what is reflected on the social media doesn't automatically represents the opinion of entire populace. It is a good sample of it sure but I still don't give a damn what is trending or not. There are tons of fame whores out there and putting them into news entice more mindless people  to be fame whores.