buwan ng wika

Helllo A__. Nasa huling linggo na tayo ng Buwan ng Wika kaya hayaan mo nang kausapin kita sa Filipino. Minsan lang naman ito.

Hindi na naman ako nakakapagsulat nitong mga huling araw alam ko. Pasensiya naman. Aaminin kong hindi talaga ako naglaan ng panahon upang kausapin ka.

Wala namang nagbago sa akin eh. Ganoon pa din naman ako. Ang kinaibahan lang ngayong mga sandali ay hindi ako nababalot sa kalungkutan.

Teka napaka-pormal ko bang magsalita? Hayaan mo na ako. 'Pag dating kasi sa panunulat sa Tagalog ay ninanais kong angat ito sa kaysa sa aking pananalita. Oo alam kong Filipino na ang tawag sa ating pambansang wika pero hindi mo maitatanggi na malaking bahagi nito ay base sa dialektong Tagalog kaya madalas ganoon pa din ang bansag ko dito.

Matagal na din akong hindi nakapanulat nang ganito 'no? Nakakapanibago. Ang siste pa ay halos lahat ng mga naitipa kong salita sa Word ay sinalungguhitan ng pula dahil Ingles ang lingwahe ng program. Susubukin kong mag-download ng Tagalog para sa diksyunaryong kaakibat nito. 'Yung ay kung mayroon.

Napanood ko pala ang isang dokumentaryo tungkol sa ating wika. Nakalimutan ko na ang pamagat ng episode ng Che Che Lazaro Presents na 'yon. Masasabi kong makabuluhan ang naturang pagtatalakay. Akalain mo ba naman na hanggang sa ngayon pala ay maigting pa din ang pagtatalo tungkol sa lingua franca ng ating bansa. May mga myembro pa din ng akademya na sensitibo at marubdob ang opinyon sa ganitiong usapin. May mga ilang na eksperto sa Filipino na nagsasabing dapat panatilihin ang wastong balarila sa wastong ikayayaman ng wika. Mayroon din naman (mga propesor sa U.P. karamihan) na nagsasabi naman na dahil daynamiko ang bata nating linggwahe ay hindi natin ito dapat itali sa mga lumang panuntunan dahil ang importante ay ang pagkakaintindihan.

Ginawa nilang halimbawa ay ang salitang madalas gamitin ng mga reporter: kaganapan. Ang palasak na gamit nito ay ang para bang diretsong pagsasalin ng salitang Inggles na happpening. Subalit ang tunay na kahulugan nito pala ay fullfillment.

Ano sa tingin mo A__? Sa akin mas papaning ata ako dun sa mga nagpapaka-purist. Sabihin na nga nating patuloy pa sa pag-eebolb ang ating batang-bata wika at hindi maiiwasan ang kagyat na pagbabago ng mga kahulugan lalo na sa mga bagong salita. Ang sa ganang akin ay hanggat maari ay dapat maging mapagmatyag ang mga tagataguyod ng ating wika laban sa padalos-dalos na pagbabago lalo na sa maling pagkakahulugan sa mga salitang naririyan na sa ating bokabularyo.

Natapos ko ang programang nag-iisip ng mga posibilidad kung sakaling pinaglinang ko ang paggamit ng Filipino sa pagsusulat. Naging ganap na manunulat kaya ako?

Nakakatuwa malaman mula sa naturang dokumentaryo na ang ilan sa mga popular na libro gaya ng Harry Potter ay naisalin na pala sa Filipino. Ang kompanyang responsable dito ay siya ding taga-limbang ng Precious Hearts pocket books. Natuwa ako dahil naroroon ang intensyon nilang gawing popular ang Filipino. Ngayon baka naman may magkutya naman, na kung ano ang ba K ng isang taga-imprenta ng mga babasahing tinatangkilik lamang ng bakyang crowd. Ano naman? Isasalin din nila ata ang Fifty Shades of Grey series. Hindi 'bat wala ding literary value ang nasabing trilogy subalit mabenta sa mga bansang gumagamit ng Ingles. Ang importante dito ay pagtaguyod nila ng wikang Filipino sa masa.

Alam mo A__ parang pareho lang ata nakakapagod magsulat sa Filipino. Nahihirapan din akong humabi ng mga pangungusap kaya. Teka ano kaya kung subukin kong magpadala ng mga lathalain sa kung ano mang website na nasa Filipino? Naku wala akong alam na website na ganoon pala liban sa mga panakanakang pananagalog ng mga blogs na sinusundan ko.

Tatlong buwan ka nang mahigit sa akin A__ at puro gastos pa ang nagagawa ko sa 'yo. Sana matulungan mo naman akong kumita ng pera. Kaya nga ako bumili ng laptop ay para maisakatuparan ko ang ambisyong kong maging nobelista o kahit na kolumnista man lang.

Hindi kita sinusumbatan ah. Alam ko namang kasalanan ko ang lahat. Tingnan mo nga yan. Wala pa halos tatlong pahina ang naisusulat ko ay napapagod na ako at natatamad.

Siguro ipapahinga ko muna ito. Susulat muli ako sa Filipino siguro hanggat maaari. Marahil sa wikiang ito talaga ang tinig kong nararapat dinggin.

-- from my journal

new year, new perspective

Sometimes all that we need is a friend who is just simply there to listen to you; one who wouldn't try to match your rants with her own set of frustrations in life. Only then one would get a fresh perspective in life- a different point of view.

I finally found time to catch up with Friendship. T__ and I had chatted the hours away in Starbucks. We had lunch at Bon Chon after.

It is indeed refreshing that I was able to talk with somebody else about my hang ups in life. One who is actually there to listen and seemed genuinely interested. And as expected all those things that worries me appear trivial now.

She suggested that I should be getting a life of my own. That I should do something else for myself so I wouldn't end up with this feeling of not being prioritized. I agreed with her that maybe I can try with that study program she was telling me so I can finish my degree. Hopefully she would really ask those people she knew about that process. It is definitely worth considering.

We talked about our classmates of course, swapping little facts that we knew of. Then I suddenly miss those other guys that I was really close to. Perhaps one of these days I would also find time to meet them all up.

She also suggested for me to keep a blog (I didn't confess to her that I already have one). That I should keep on writing because I am good at it. Well you know that I am not really good at anything. Perhaps it is high time now for me to devote my energy and existence in the written words.

Which is why I am still here typing my thoughts away when I should be sleeping instead. I hear mum constantly in the background nagging me that I should be in bed because it would be difficult for me later to get out of it.

But I am still trying to fill this page with my thoughts.

Here's what I am planning to do everyday: I must write an entry daily on my Starbucks planner then expound it here. I would try write at least a page and that should take about two hours of my time. Then I should devote a minimum of one hour for reading. I have that Cloud Atlas novel from B__ that I should finish within this month because I intend to read a book once a month.

Sounds familiar? I know. I have already promised you that. Well what are new year's for but to start anew?

---from  my journal

brooding

So here I am bored. It is raining outside with some thunder going on, you know- the works. I like it.

My partner arrived at their office a few hours back. Their flight would be later at around five a.m. I hope they have a safe flight. I hope their event there in Bohol would be a success too.

So he had been out of town for several times already this year. He had been to Marinduque, Batanes and now Bohol. As for me, I had never left Metro Manila yet this year. Pathetic isn't it?

Oh yeah I don't have to dwell again on my mundane existence.

Anyways I told my partner that I would be on hiatus from internet. I was about to add a comment about that saying “ignorance being bliss” but knowing how our communication works, I didn't blurt it out. What I just told him was that I was so bored that I would start using Swype again on my Galaxy Y so he'd better pardon my English language.

Anyways because I still went online I learned via Facebook that he managed to meet again his friends and they hang out in SM. What does it have to do with me?

Well that was he have been doing for years. It just of late that he started with this new routine: playing badminton then drinking after wards. I understand and respect that he had a need a time of his own. I guess I just feel bad because one, I don't have other people to hang out with and second, it appears like our relationship would be just like that, another routine of his. I am just a weekend lover. And not the complete weekend mind you. Just Saturdays.

It would be a relief actually that we would not meet by next weekend. He would still be in Bohol. I am not sure yet if I would tag along with Ate J__ who frequent this gay bar. As much as I would like to- because I haven't been in one yet, I don't think I can afford it. That and the consequences that would follow.

Tomorrow I would write more coherently. Promise.