my love affair with yosi

It's more than six years already. When I was kid I couldn't understand why my foster father or any people for that matter smoke. I had this vague understanding that maybe that's what addiction does to someone. And there's no denying that I am a nicotine addict for a couple of years now.

Nung nag-aaral pa ako sa peyups nakikisabay lang ako sa mga barkada ko tuwing may inuman. Ang katwiran ko imbes mabugahan ay makipagsabayan na lang ako. Hithit-buga nga lang ang gawa ko nuon. Takot ako ipadaan sa baga dahil alam kong ikaka-adik ko.

That what was what I been doing for years after I dropped out of college. One might say I was just an occasional smoker. Naninigarilyo lang naman kasi ako talaga 'pag may laklakan na bihira din naman. Then I nailed this job as a CSR.

I am stuck with this job for more than six years now and I am stuck with this addiction. There has been several attempts for me to quit of course. Last time was a couple of months ago. Akalain mo four months sans nicotine and I stopped cold turkey for that. 

Natakot kasi ako sa universe eh.

Ganito yun. Atheist kasi ako eh so dahil wala akong deity, sa sansinukob ako nagpromise. Oo totoo. Ang sabi ko kasi since nagawaan ko nang paraan ang nagawa kong pagkakamali sa work at dahil tingin ko naman ay nagcoconspire din naman somehow ang universe  sa aking happiness ay nanumpa akong hindi na hihithit pa ng yosi. 

So anong nangyari? Nalungkot kasi ako. I forgot the specifics but it was about the same shitty stuff I suppose. At that time lang na-depress talaga ako. So nagbalik loob ako sa aking bisyo.

Saka sa trabaho ko ang hirap iwasan kasi. Hindi ako mahilig makihalubilo sa iba,yun tipong dadalaw sa stations ng mga kakilala para lang makipagchika-chika kahit may calls. Sa pagyoyosi sa labas at least I managed to carry a chat with other people. That is my way of socializing so to speak. Saka sa yosi break din nagsisilabasan ang mga chismax eh.

Nung mga buwan na nag-quit ako dun nagtaasan ang presyo nga mga sigarilyo dahil sa sin tax. Mabuti na nga lang may Lucky Strike pala dahil mas mababa ng presyo ito  kesa sa kinasanayang kong Marlboro Lights. But just a couple of days ago, I discovered Pall Mall in 7-11. Abay bente-singko pesos lang ang isang pack. So ito lagi ang sumusunog nga aking baga sa twina.

It is sad no? We nicotine addicts are fully aware of the bad effects of cigarettes yet we continue to burn money for it. At one point nga napaisip na din ako na ito kayang mga ka-jammin ko sa yosi break, sila-sila din kaya ang makakasama ko sa ward ng Lung Center if ever?

Oh well. The new year is fast approaching. Time to make those listings again. Alam na. 

too many stuff but no time

I haven't watched the third season of Game of Thrones yet. I only have watched the first four episodes of Breaking Bad. Then there's this latest season of Downton Abbey. And my gosh Sherlock!

For some reason I can not bring myself to do some binge watching of the series I love. I could have find time of course but I can't bring myself to it. By the time I got home from work what I usually do is to surf the channels instead. Somehow I always think it is not the right time. But when is the right time?

I got a couple of free e-books waiting to be read. My excuse on that is it is taxing to read these on my laptop. But I have a real book borrowed from a friend-The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest and yet I only read the first two chapters so far. I have read its first book on just three days but somehow I couldn't bring myself to finish this last installment right away. Not the right time.

I think it only reflects the kind of person that I still am. How many times did I attempt to do some planning, to do some scheduling of sorts? I was never this kind of person who outline his tasks so that he can managed his lifestyle. I just always go with the flow. Perhaps at the back of my mind I took this saying a bit too seriously: Life is what happens when I am busy making plans.

fresh start

Shit. Anyare?

All this time akala ko nabura ko na lahat ang mga previous entries ko dito. Sa totoo lang ilang buwan na sa aking 'tong bago kong laptop pero ngayon ko lang nabuksan ang blogger ko. Why? Well kasi heto na naman ako. Here is another attempt of mine to write my thoughts and have it expose it online. Ang hirap kasi sa akin eh tamad ako to maintain it.

I can't even put a daily entry to my journal. I have tons of excuses.

Oh well. Enough of this intro of sorts. I would just write write and write....